The Importance of Mothering the Mother

by Debbie Albert, Ph.D. IBCLC

Okay, so you are nursing a newborn and life is pretty hectic.  Sometimes you get to 2:00 p.m., and you have barely been able to eat, and you haven't even taken a shower yet!  Well, it is important to take care of yourself too.  Here are some tips...

If your feet stick to the floor, put on slippers!  Okay, maybe I am being a little silly here, but this is a line from a dear friend of mine.  Basically it means that your house does not need to be perfect.  The most important thing is that new baby--and mom!  Perhaps your time would be better spent napping while the baby is napping?  If you still have edema-get your feet up.  Go take a shower, eat a meal, or relax with a cup of decaf coffee or tea.

What about Dad?  Some fathers are so helpful that mom finds it annoying.  However, there are some dads that may not realize what you need.  It is important to be assertive.  Remember that he is a parent too.  Ask him to help you, and try to be positive.  Give him the task of making sure you are fed and hydrated.  Don't criticize if he doesn't put the diaper on right.  The point is that he is helping.  Most men relish the praise, and it is helpful for them to know that their role as a father is valued.

Are you expecting too much?  If you tend to be prompt, you will find that it takes 30 minutes longer than normal to get to the pediatricians office or the store.  Gone are the days where you could create a list of 10 things to do--and just do them.  Care for a young baby will take up a majority of your day.  If someone complains about your house--hand them a mop!

Do an afternoon assessment...  Having a baby is like being on double shift.  You begin early in the a.m., finish at about 10:00 p.m., and you are on-call throughout the night.  It is helpful to access your situation in the afternoon.  First, do you need more rest?  Try to sleep while the baby is sleeping.  Ben Franklin once said, "A nap is like having two days."  If naps aren't your thing, it is still important to lay down and your feet up.  Second, have you eaten enough?  Do you have plenty of healthy/quick options in the kitchen.  Send someone out to buy you celery, cut carrots, bags of lettuce, apples, bananas, plums, peaches, etc.  There are a variety of healthy foods you can pick up and eat.  If all else fails, try a TV dinner or order pizza.  Third, assess how much water have you had.  Try to at least get in the 8 glasses of water per day.  Remember your breastmilk is 90% water.  Finally, have you done something invigorating, like a 10 minute walk or taking a shower.  Even washing your face with cold water can help to reduce lethargy.

Try to stay above the overwhelm... Dealing with post-partum is difficult for a lot of moms.  It is quite common to have feelings of depression despite that beautiful bundle of joy that you are caring for.  Sometimes you may need to take a break.  Getting out for lunch or dinner, or even a trip to the gym or mall are good pick me ups.  If you are critically depressed, please get the help you need.  Seek out your office EAP program or see a psychotherapist.  There are some anti-depressants that are compatible with breastfeeding.

Don't say "NO" when someone offers to help.  Too many times women are martyrs, and if someone offers to help we say no to the offer.  It is important to accept help during this time.  The only time to say no is if you find it more stressful to deal with the person who is offering the assistance.  Otherwise, please say yes!

 It is important to "mother the mother".

Debbie Albert, Ph.D., IBCLC, LMHC, Bio